Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I think I sprained my soul last night
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
