Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
