My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
