If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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