I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We left the knife in your bed.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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