New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
