Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
