The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
