well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
