It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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