mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He shit in the fireplace
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
