i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
