living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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