Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
