The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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