where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
someone owes me an orgasm
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Randomize
