I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
