sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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