My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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