I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
