despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
