im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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