This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
