the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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