porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
