are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
porn star boner night. come get it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
