If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
