I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
