i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
