I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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