This is not my ceiling
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
