I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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