You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
