I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
vagina is talking i cant
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
