Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
