my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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