How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
