i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
