I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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