I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
