I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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