Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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