I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The air was thick with penises
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
