I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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