wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
