Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
