he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
