I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
