my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
