i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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