How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
