I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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