You're completely useless in the revolution.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
