wrigley field is MILF paradise
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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