I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
