Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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