I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
