Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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