i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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