dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
two words: eviction party
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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