Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
porn star boner night. come get it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
