Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
