guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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