dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
