Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Four minutes until I can fart!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
