i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
