she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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