ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
