This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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